Sex! Now that I’ve Got Your Attention, Let’s Talk About Sex . . . in Books
When I was in my early 20s, I loved books with chemistry, romantic angst, the guy getting the girl, and the girl getting the guy. My go-to authors were Marian Keyes, and Sophie Kinsella.
Then I became jaded and convinced myself so completely that I didn’t like romance and I forgot all the books I had enjoyed when I was younger. I rolled my eyes when people talked about romance. That wasn’t a real genre I would tell myself, sitting on my high horse because you see, I was an intellectual.
And then I became less of a bonehead.
The thing is, romance sells. It generates over 1 billion dollars in sales.
That doesn’t mean you have to like it, and it doesn’t mean everyone is good at writing romance.
My unpopular opinion is that the Outlander series isn’t as good as people think but if you want to read it, go for it!
I love how more and more we’re getting stories of women who absolutely love to have sex, who are embracing their sexuality and are totally unapologetic.
Clean Romance vs Closed Door Romance
I’m sure you’ve heard one or both of these terms. I prefer to use closed door romance. Basically that means that the sexual aspect of the stories happen off the page. I don’t like using the term “clean romance” because it implies that sex is dirty. It’s not. If closed door romance is your thing, there are a lot of books that you’ll love. If you want that open door, spicy, steamy story, there’s books for you, too. I’ve been guilty of judging romance enjoyers in the past; let’s not yuck yums and let’s be mindful of how labels affect us.
Do you Need Sex in your Book?
What if you’re not writing a romance? What if it’s a thriller, or a histfic, or sci-fi, or fantasy? Does sex serve your story or your characters? If you took the sex scene out, will anything change? Just as in real life, in stories sex can be used to exert power over someone else, but here’s the thing: could there not be another way to do so? In most cases, women characters are the ones being victimized, and because it’s all too real, the actual message you want to convey in your story can be lost because of that one moment. Women shouldn’t exist in your stories to be objects. To have dominion over. In some of the mentioned genres, that’s all women characters have been in the past, but guess what? We get to vote now, and even if the world of your story has inequity, doesn’t mean women should be assaulted to show how awful a character is. It’s icky, and alienating.
Know Your Reader
Steamy books are having their day in the sun and they may bask in it for quite some time. Readers choose those books because they want the steam, they want the spice. Someone reading a cozy mystery might not want a spicy scene thrown in. Someone reading a cozy romance will want those scenes to happen behind a closed door. They won’t want it explicitly stated.
Also consider whose gaze the scene is for. What positions will be used, whose perspective will we get, and what are the implications of the sex be. There’s more to a sex scene than flicking and licking.
Struggling with writing that sex scene? Make sure you’re reading what’s out there. Those books aren’t just for fun; they can be for inspiration (in more ways than one). And if you need more support; someone to review, then connect with me for a manuscript assessment.
